I can't seem to get myself out of the way...
I can't seem to get myself
out of the way completelyIt's like… not like holding your breathLike trying to pause your
heartbeatsI can't make myself not exist
He didn't answer, and my chest throbbed with painHow joyful he would be if Icould figure
out how to erase myself!
Melanie wanted to… not to contradict me, but to make me feel better; she struggled to find
words to soften my agonyShe couldn't come up with the right ones
But Ian would be devastatedYou have so many friends here
I was glad that we were back to our room nowI needed to think about something else before I
started chanel big cryingNow wasn't the time for self-pityThere were more important issues at hand than
my heart, breaking yet again
CHAPTER 43
Frenzied
Iimagined that from the outside, I looked as still as a statueMy hands were folded in front of
me, my face was without expression, my breathing was too shallow to move my chest
Inside, I was spinning apart, as if the pieces of my atoms were reversing polarity and blowing
away from one another
Bringing Melanie back had not saved himAll that I could do was not enough
The hall outside our room was crowdedJared, Kyle, and Ian were back from their tiffany diamond desperate
raid, empty-handedA cooler of ice–that was all they had to show for three days of risking their
livesTrudy was making compresses and laying them across Jamie's forehead, the back of his
neck, his chest
Even if the ice cooled the fever, raging out of control, how long until it was all melted? An
hour? More? Less? How long until he was dying again?
I would have been the one to put the ice on him, but I couldn't moveIf I moved, I would fall
into microscopic pieces
“Nothing?” Doc murmured“Did you check –”
“Every spot we could think of,” Kyle interrupted“It's not like painkillers, mulberry leather drugs–lots of people
had reason to keep those hiddenThe antibiotics were always kept in the open
Jared just stared down at the red-faced child on the bed, not speaking“Don't look like that,” he whispered
I couldn't respondCouldn't even hear the words, really
Doc knelt beside Trudy and pulled Jamie's chin downWith a bowl he scooped up some of the
ice water from the cooler and let it trickle into Jamie's mouthWe all heard the thick, painful
sound of Jamie's swallowingBut his eyes didn't open
I felt as though I would never be able to move againThat I would turn into part of the stone
wall
If replica chanel jewelry they dug a hole for Jamie in the empty desert, they would have to put me in it, too
Not good enough,Melanie growled
I was despairing, but she was filled with fury
Trying solves nothingThey have to go back out
For what purpose? Even if they did find your old antibiotics, what are the chances they would
still be any good? They only worked half the time anywayHe doesn't need your
medicineHe needs more than thatSomething that really works…
My breathing sped up, deepened as I saw it
He needsmine, I realized
Mel and I were both awestruck by the obviousness of this idea
My stone lips cracked chanel classic flap a